Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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