I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
