I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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