she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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