what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
