I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
