Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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