his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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