he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
