I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
