Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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