the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
