Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
