You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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