We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
