You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
