i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cut my penus on the lid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
