Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
