What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
