I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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