I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
