My balls are so social today.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
