Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
