u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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