I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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