In America we eat man semen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
