My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
