More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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