i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
