I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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