Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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