Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
