i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
