i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
