Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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