he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize