new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
