Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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