And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
