Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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