I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
