He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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