I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
