I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize