I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
