oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
