I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
