i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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