things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
