hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
