Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
