Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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