It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
