You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
