Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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