Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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