He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize