I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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