i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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