I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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