Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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