part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
