Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
