my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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