I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
