Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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