he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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