My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
